


with the blunt edge of a knife

by gorejeongin



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: ?? - Freeform, Bang Chan is a Sweetheart, Bloodplay, Blow Jobs, Frottage, Kink Exploration, Knifeplay, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Masochism, Non-Penetrative Sex, Possessive Behavior, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, fluff?, please don't be scared of this it's not as weird as you think, this does get dark for a bit but its necessary for the plot, this is so self indulgent im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 03:37:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20575838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gorejeongin/pseuds/gorejeongin
Summary: hyunjin discovers one of his old tendencies means something new to him now. bang chan, the leader, is obligated to help him along the way.tw// self harm, blood, general freaky shit. read at your own discretion and keep your own safety in mind





	with the blunt edge of a knife

hyunjin was clean. he hadn’t cut since middle school. he had a good support system around him and everyone was willing to bend over backwards to help him. the scars on his arm had faded but never left, leaving soft brown lines crossing over his arm, thighs, and waist. 

there were discussions between the members on these coping mechanisms. cutting was a last resort, only for when nothing could possibly convince oneself that anything more could help. things, like fighting or leaving the dorms or destruction of property, were all the hurdles a member would have to go through before even considering self-harm. every member was forced to promise that they would keep that deal. even if they knew they were going to break it. 

\--

june 12. hyunjin had been in the shower for 45 minutes. his knuckles were bruised and he was under dorm arrest for running out in the middle of the night during their tour after a fight. all three boxes, he thought, had been ticked off. he could do it if he wanted to. his skin was soft and hot, perfect for making cuts that would bleed for him. 

he passed two of the members, both of which joked about him jerking off. he faked a smile before heading into his room. under his mattress was his most prized possession, his x-acto knife from middle school. he bought new blades over the years, always for a reason he never understood. occasionally he’d use it to cut out papers or cardboard or to scrape his name into the infamous desk the members assembled, but never on himself. not until now. 

the door was locked, but none of his roommates were home anyways. it was quite early in the night, so most of the members were practicing. finding a place to cut would be hard, but he chose his waist. it wouldn’t appear on camera and members weren’t likely to be looking there anyway. the blade was skinny and slightly dull, but that meant it wouldn’t cut too deep or stay for too long, which is exactly what he needed. 

the drag of the blade scared him, but once he felt his skin splitting, a feeling bloomed in his chest. his body felt hot and the shine of red seeping from his pale skin excited him. in fact, he was a bit too excited. flashes of bodies on bodies, the tip of a knife scraping his back, his mouth open in ecstasy. hyunjin threw down the blade, overwhelmed by what he was feeling. his heart was pounding and his cuts burned. this feeling was foreign, almost uninviting. almost.

his night was spent under the covers, skimming forum upon forum for an answer. “why do i like the feeling of pain?” “why do i enjoy cutting?” “am i crazy?” “does a blood kink exist?” most of the boards called him disgusting and told him to get help or kill himself, but there was one answer that shone through the rest. 

“you might be into knifeplay. its a form of bdsm. practice safely OP ㅋㅋ”

knifeplay. knifeplay? what the fuck? hyunjin’s first thought was that he needed to be checked into a hospital and locked away from all sharp objects, but the more he read, the more he understood. it was a kink, just like some people like being spanked or having their hair pulled. his was just more...extreme. it was definitely something he’d keep to himself. the guys _ really _didn’t need to know he wanted to be gutted like a fish. 

\--

july 20, hyunjin is sitting in his room. his waistband was rolled down, examining the thin lines spanning his pelvis. his phone had pictures of his fresh cuts from that night in june. he liked keeping a record of how many cuts he made and on what day he made them for future reference. what in the future he would need them for, he didn’t know. 

he hadn’t met the quota to cut again. there were no fights, no running away, nothing. guilt rattled his brain, he would be breaking one of the fundamental promises that the members made, and half of the reason they even made it was because of him. 

\-- 

_ march 2017. hyunjin saw his friends circled around that young kid that joined their group. chan was standing, arms switching from pressing against his temples to on his waist to giving a comforting pat on the kid’s head. he quietly entered the room, trying not to agitate the mood of the room. a faint metallic smell was in the air, and he figured out the source when he walked closer. jeongin’s arm, dripping blood from three horizontal cuts. his eyes were puffy and the other members were dead silent. jisung had to get up and get a drink, obviously upset from the sight. felix was asking chan various questions, and from what hyunjin could understand, one of them was “what are we going to tell pd-nim?”. chan replied in korean, “we should have a group meeting first.” _

_ later in the week, after jeongin had been given proper medical care, the group had a discussion in the very same practice room. there was no evidence of what had happened, but hyunjin could still pinpoint the exact spot where blood had dripped onto the wooden floorboards. chan started the discussion with a blunt first question. _

_ “have any of you self harmed before?” _

_ two of them had raised their hands. felix and chan. hyunjin raised his hand last, his body tremoring with anxiety. chan could feel the tension in the room so he spoke up. _

_ “i had a suicide attempt when i was 17. the scars can be covered with makeup, but you can still feel them. if you guys want to talk, you’re absolutely allowed to.” _

_ felix spoke up next, pulling up his sleeve and rubbing away the makeup. a mess of lines, overlapping and in various states of healing latticed his forearm. a few smaller ones were on his bicep and opposite arm. _

_ “i... i had a rough time in high school. my family wasn’t too helpful about it either. i couldn’t see any way to release my pain.” his voice was soft and he wore a downcast look. hyunjin felt his throat burn.   
  
  
_

\-- 

hyunjin’s door opened and his heart stopped. blade in his hand, cuts on his skin, bright red on his phone. he couldn’t escape. 

“bang chan hyung-” 

“what the hell are you doing?” 

tears were already falling from his face. he felt like he did two years ago. he felt shame run through his body and his eyes were blurry once again. chan softened and rethought his approach, closing the door and sitting next to hyunjin with as much empathy as one could exude. 

“how...how long ago were the first cuts?” chan asked, trying his best to keep hyunjin calm. 

“it was back in june. i met all the requirements, but i didn’t tell anyone.”

“why not? it’s important for us to talk about this, hyunjin-ah.” chan takes hyunjin’s hand into his own and squeezed lightly, punctuating his sentence. 

“because something… weird… happened.” hyunjin’s ears become hot once he recalls the feeling that took him over on that day. he starts fidgeting, remembering all the things he saw and looked up. the image of bodies on bodies and knives running down his back. 

“hyunjin, are you okay? what happened? did you get infected?” chan reaches over to investigate the scars along hyunjin’s waist, running his finger along the lines. 

hyunjin whimpers at the touch, being far too close to his most intimate parts for what he was prepared for. chan immediately glances up, checking to see if he hurt hyunjin in any way, but was instead met with a red-faced and wistful gaze. chan’s face turned red in return. 

“ah… that’s what you meant by ‘something weird’. okay, we have a lot to discuss.”

hyunjin lets out a sigh, one that sounded far lewder than he wished. chan locked the door and sat back down beside the bashful hyunjin, wracking his brain for any semblance of a sentence that wouldn’t ruin the situation. 

“so… is it knifeplay?”

“bang chan i will _ kill you _.”

“i’m just asking a question. is it?”

“yes. kind of. i don't know, i googled a lot of stuff. it’s a whole bunch of stuff. knifeplay, bloodplay, marking. i only just discovered all of this shit like last month.” hyunjin let out an exasperated sigh, running his hands through his hair. he caught chan’s gaze, now less concerned and more enthralled. he could tell where this was heading, and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it. 

“so you’ve never actually tried it out? knifeplay, i mean.” 

“no, i haven’t. i was just about to try and see if when i cut… i’d still like it.” hyunjin turned his head as he spoke, not wanting to keep eye contact with his hyung. he still felt bad about the whole cutting aspect of the scenario, still associating it with self-harm, something that hurt both himself and those around him. now, even though he could tell where this situation was heading, what chan said when he spoke up threw him for a tailspin. 

“could i… do it for you?” chan asked, eyeing the x-acto blade that was now sitting on hyunjin’s bedsheets. 

“i’m sorry, what?”

“i’m asking if i could cut you. to see if you’d like it.”

hyunjin shifted backward defensively. “hyung, isn’t that weird? you’d be hurting me. you used to hurt yourself like this. you almost died like this.”

“that’s why i want to know why you like this, jinnie. why you enjoy the feeling of a blade on your skin. did you always know you enjoyed pain?”

“not really? i was always interested in hickeys and hair pulling, but that was shit that everyone knows about. the knife and blood stuff was recent.” all this questioning was putting hyunjin off, but not because he didn’t want to fuck chan. he was never opposed to getting it on with his members. it was how it seemed like chan wasn’t at all interested in all the masochism shit, but rather that he seemed like he was genuinely trying to help hyunjin work through all this. he had no obligation too, this was all intimate shit, but chan was acting like this was part of his leader position. what the fuck, man. 

“do you want me to help? we could start small and then get to the harder stuff, or just start right with the blade if you like.” 

“oh my god. okay, uh… we could start slow, i guess. it’s gonna be weird for the first few minutes, though.” hyunjin answered, perturbed by this entire scenario. 

  
  


\-- 

chan’s mouth felt so warm against hyunjin’s neck. hyunjin’s stomach churned with arousal and he felt hot down to his bones. chan’s moans were quiet and deep, which only made hyunjin needier. the grazing of chan’s teeth along his skin sent chills down his spine and caused his body to convulse, much to his hyung’s amusement. 

“are you enjoying yourself, hyunjinnie? do you want me to move on?” chan’s voice was gravelly, a tone that hyunjin never heard from his hyung before. 

“did you leave a hickey?”

“do you want me to?”

hyunjin stayed silent.

“your wish is my command, hyunjin.” and with that, chan bit down on hyunjin’s neck, right above his right collarbone. hyunjin let out an obscene moan, much too loud for his own good. his face burned with embarrassment, and chan laughed once again. 

seconds passed before chan was finished and he moved on without another word. hyunjin’s shirt was lifted, revealing his flushed-red skin and pointed nipples. chan took one into his mouth and bit down with his canines, sending hyunjin’s nerves into havoc. his spine curled upward accompanied by a high whine. 

“are you feeling good, baby? do you want me to continue?” chan asked, replacing his mouth with his fingers, pinching hyunjin’s nipples with his nails. 

“yes hyung, please. touch me more.” 

“where do you want me to touch you, hyunjin? use your words.”

“mm… touch my cock, hyung. i want you to jerk me off.” hyunjin covers his eyes as he talks, too embarrassed to look at chan. 

“good boy. do you want me to hurt you there too?” 

“yes hyung, please, hurt me more.” hyunjin reaches down, pushing his pants and underwear down enough to release his cock, already half-hard and wet at the tip. 

“look at you, hyunjin, you’re already so horny, enjoying yourself so much. you’re such a good boy.” 

chan wraps his hand around hyunjin’s cock, heavy in his grasp and slippery at the tip. he tightens his grasp, squeezing the appendage until it becomes difficult to move up and down. hyunjin writhes under his grasp, small moans trickling out of his mouth upon every movement. 

“hyung, stop. i’m going to cum, slow down, please. i want to touch you.” 

hyunjin extends his arm to stop his hyung from moving any more. he sits up, shifting onto his knees, and looks into his eyes for the first time that night. some sort of spectre takes over his body, he thinks, because within the next second he’s locking his lips with chan’s. they sit there making out for a few minutes while hyunjin wades further away from his climax. his left hand slithers down chan’s body as they kiss to palm his cock. hyunjin feels how hard chan is underneath his joggers, already fully erect. the kiss splits, and hyunjin leans down. chan already has an idea of what’s going to happen and slides his pants down his waist, letting his cock slip out. staring directly at chan the entire time, hyunjin takes his cock into his mouth. chan’s hand eventually plant itself in hyunjin’s hair, tugging at the strands in order to move the younger’s head. hyunjin’s jaw slacks, letting his mouth be fucked raw. chan’s other hand taps his cheek, alerting hyunjin to open his eyes, unaware that they ever closed. his eyes dart to the shiny blade that’s wrapped in chan’s fingers, and he starts to sweat. 

“baby, do you want me to use this?” chan asks, voice softer than it’s been all night. he’s asking with sincerity, dead set on making sure hyunjin actually wants this. 

hyunjin, mouth still full, nods in approval. 

“where do you want me to start, baby? your shoulders? your back? your chest?”

hyunjin nods at the last option then slides off of chan’s cock. 

“carve your name onto me, hyung.” 

chan’s eyes widen. “are you sure you want that, baby? the scars won’t go away for months.”

“it can be covered up with makeup. i want it, i want you to own me.” 

chan can’t ignore the heat building up in his stomach. with a final kiss on the lips, lingering for just a second too long, chan pushes hyunjin down onto the bed. the blade in his hand was cleaned and smelled faintly of alcohol. the feeling of adrenaline rushed through his body, peaking when the tip of the blade landed on hyunjin’s chest. one, two lines for the c. hyunjin whined, his waist shifting. chan moved to sit on top of hyunjin to prevent him from moving. their cocks laid beside each other, both forgotten in the headiness of the moment. chan’s other free hand moved to wrap around both of their penises, jerking them off slowly. three more lines make their way onto hyunjin’s body and chan couldn’t help his fascination with the way blood followed the blade. the a would take the longest, four lines needed. hyunjin was leaking a substantial amount of precum at this point, and he looked absolutely gorgeous. sweat coated his body, mixing with the blood and precum. chan wanted to take a picture so he could record this moment, but he was getting ahead of himself. with a final three lines, chan finished. he heaved out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. 

“baby, i finished. you look so good like this.” chan cooed, rubbing the tip of hyunjin’s cock with his thumb in order to accelerate his orgasm 

“cum on me hyung.” hyunjin moaned out, reaching down to grab chan’s cock.

they spent the next minute or so jerking each other off, hyunjin rutting into chan’s hand. the movement made his chest ache, only making him chase his orgasm faster. hyunjin came first, cum mixing with the blood that was drying on his chest. with the last of his energy, he pulled chan’s head down and kissed him, bringing his hyung to orgasm. chan came onto hyunjin’s face, neck, and chest. after chan recollected himself, he grabbed hyunjin’s phone and took two pictures. one was of hyunjin, smeared cuts and cum in frame, but leaving his face out. the second one was a selfie, his tongue stuffed into hyunjin’s mouth. 

“hyunjin, i’m going to go get some towels to clean you up, okay? just stay here, i don’t want you to hurt yourself.” chan pulled his shirt back on and stuffed his cock back into his pants, squeezing hyunjin’s hand for a second before leaving. 

hyunjin was beyond exhausted, so much that he couldn’t stay awake. the last thing he remembered was seeing the door open, unsure of who came in. when he awoke, he was in his sleeping clothes, bandages wrapped around his chest. getting up was a challenge, but he made his way into the living room. jisung was sitting on the couch, eating a bowl of cereal. 

“hey. you doing alright?” jisung asked, mouth half stuffed with honey nut cheerios. 

“...yeah, why?”

“chan told me to check on you when you woke up. he said you cut yourself and blacked out. none of the other members know, it’s fine.” 

“ah… yeah, i’m doing okay. kinda achy, might need an advil.” hyunjin was sort of confused on the story chan told, but it was still better than saying ‘chan said that you two had kinky bloody sex and you blacked out’. 

“do you need me to change your bandages?” jisung offered, to which hyunjin immediately turned down. he didn’t need jisung to know that he was now chan’s property. or that he and chan had fucked last night. 

“alright. i’ll tell chan you woke up. he’ll call you in a bit.”

hyunjin spent the next few minutes making some food for himself. the sleep was good at replenishing his energy, but he still needed some vitamins and minerals to keep himself healthy. especially with fresh wounds coating his chest. his pocket vibrated, and hyunjin didn’t spare a second before pulling it out and answering. a warm voice answered him. 

“hi, baby boy. how’re you doing?”

hyunjin’s chest bloomed with happiness. 

“i’m doing great, hyung.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading and i hope you enjoyed. if you didn't, that's okay, this was pure self-indulgence. keep yourselves safe, guys!  
nsfw twt goresnghwa


End file.
